I'm not the sort who wants to be possessed. To be controlled
but whenever I see her I long for it. Something takes hold of me and
inside I'm begging for her to take me.
To take me and do with me as she wills. I want to give myself
to her body and soul. I've given her my trust and my love just as she
once gave me hers but I still want more.
Wanting more is what got me into this predicament. I couldn't
be satisfied with what we had. I wanted more from her. I wanted her
to feel as I do and in doing so I drove her away from me. I feel
ashamed for that. For having ever wanted more. It ruined what little
happiness I had.
Happiness.
Am I truly happy?
No, not anymore. Once I was happy. With her at my side I
was always happy.
But that was all a dream world. Something I made up in my
head. Reality is something quite different from what I imagined. When
she told me to believe in miracles I thought of her as my lover and him
as my friend and us being together always. Him having a nice girlfriend
of his own of course.
I laugh to think of it now. How naive I was. How foolish.
How utterly ridiculous and... and... hopeful. I was hopeful once.
Hopeful in my belief of miracles.